Balancing Individual Interests within Marriage
I linked to the YouTube video at the end of this article.
In a thriving marriage, both partners bring unique interests, hobbies, and passions to the relationship. While it’s important to cultivate individual interests, it’s equally vital to maintain the bond of marriage. How can Christian couples strike a healthy balance between personal pursuits and their commitment to one another? This article will explore biblical wisdom and practical examples for finding harmony in both areas.
Embrace Healthy Independence While Staying Connected
We enter relationships as unique individuals. Over time, we begin incorporating our spouse’s unique characteristics into our own. While maintaining a sense of individuality within marriage is good for personal growth and fulfillment, it shouldn’t come at the expense of the marital relationship.
As a married couple, you’re a team now. It’s no longer her or me, it’s us.
Pursue your interests with your spouse’s support
Encourage your wife to engage in her interests while communicating openly about how those interests can fit into your shared life. And do likewise with her for your interests.
Discuss schedules and ensure both of you feel valued. It’s ideal if you could pursue your interests simultaneously and then come together afterward to share your experiences.
“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves.” – Philippians 2:3
Schedule time for both individual and shared activities
Since you’ve been married, have you and your wife taken separate vacations? Did you know that’s a thing? Some of our grandparents slept in different beds (even different rooms). Nowadays, we find those sleeping arrangements a bit strange. Likewise, my wife and I consider taking separate vacations strange.
My wife and I celebrated 21 years of marriage this past July. In that time, we’ve had plenty of time apart. Whether for the military, the railroad, or medical reasons. But, separate vacations were not part of the reason.
But there are plenty of activities couples can do apart. Perhaps it’s a round of golf, hunting/fishing, shopping, spa treatment, etc. Activities you enjoy but your spouse doesn’t.
It’s important to ensure your shared activities exceed the ones you do as individuals.
Find a balance by creating time for your hobbies while scheduling meaningful time together. This fosters both personal satisfaction and the health of your marriage.
Communicate openly about your needs for personal space
For those who “need” space from their spouse, it’s important to have honest and open conversations about it. My wife and I have enough time apart when I’m at work (including when I work from home).
At the same time, not everyone can spend an extended amount of time with their wife. Take the COVID-19 pandemic of 2020-2021 and the number of divorces that subsequently occurred. Initially, the average divorce rate dropped. However, this was likely due to the layoffs. Once people went back to work, the divorce rate increased.
According to the article linked below, “The pandemic and lockdown experience caused many to really examine the state of their marriage and their own satisfaction, realizing just how much stress and contention exists in the relationship. Many have come out of the pandemic committed to or seriously considering ending their long-term marriages.”
Related article: Did the Divorce Rate Really Drop During the COVID-19 Pandemic?
When it comes to conversations about space, whether it’s for a hobby or time with friends, both partners should be able to express their needs and desires without fear of being misunderstood.
“Therefore, each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body.” – Ephesians 4:25
Cultivate Mutual Interests Alongside Personal Hobbies
While individual interests are important, it’s equally essential to cultivate shared interests that deepen the bond between husband and wife.
Find hobbies you both enjoy
My wife and I don’t necessarily have the same hobbies. However, there are things that we do enjoy together.
For instance, we both like going to the gym. Even though she does her workout and I do mine, we still go there together. And I spot her when she needs one for benching.
We both like movies, so we have streaming movie services where we can watch various types of movies and TV shows.
For couples who struggle in this area, look for new activities you can explore together, such as hiking, cooking, or learning a new skill. Shared experiences strengthen your emotional connection and create lasting memories.
“Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor.” – Ecclesiastes 4:9
Incorporate personal hobbies into quality time
My wife’s not necessarily a fan of football, but she’ll watch a game with me when my teams are playing. Because I want to watch it, and she wants to spend time with me, she’ll sit with me and watch it too. She’s even gotten better at understanding the game and the penalties.
If possible, involve your spouse in your interests by inviting them to participate in or observe what you’re passionate about. This helps them appreciate your hobbies and fosters understanding.
Scripture: “Let each of you look not only to his own interests but also to the interests of others.” – Philippians 2:4
Prioritize date nights and regular couple time
Balance individual interests by intentionally planning regular date nights and couple time. This couple time refers to spending time with just the two of you. Not necessarily a “date night” but time together.
My wife and I will sometimes go to a coffee shop and read or run errands together. Either way, it’s just the two of us.
Date nights and couple time creates space for communication and closeness, reinforcing that your marriage is a top priority.
For ideas for a memorable date night, consider reading: Date Night Ideas to Keep the Romance Alive.
“Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love, all the days of this meaningless life that God has given you under the sun.” – Ecclesiastes 9:9
Encouraging Each Other’s Growth While Staying United
Throughout our lives, we are continually changing. Which makes me wonder why people dislike change so much.
In a healthy marriage, each spouse grows individually. Either together or apart. Changing and growing together can create a stronger marriage as a result. The opposite is also true.
Most couples want to grow stronger together. To do that, encouragement is key to fostering both personal development and unity.
Supporting Each Other’s Passions
When I say support each other’s passions I’m not referring to hobbies. My wife is passionate about evangelism. She loves talking to others about Jesus.
This may be a conversation in a store or holding up a sign near a busy intersection (aka street evangelism). I on the other hand am not passionate about it. I’ll do it with her on occasion, but it’s not a passion of mine.
And she adheres to the Bible by not doing this in church.
When your wife is passionate about something, show your support and encourage her. Even if it’s not something you’re interested in. To deepen your bond, you might consider joining her occasionally.
“Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.” – 1 Thessalonians 5:11.
Encouraging Spiritual Growth
Individual spiritual growth, such as private devotions or attending Bible studies, should complement the shared spiritual life of the marriage. Remember, your salvation is not tied to hers or vice versa. You must develop a personal relationship with your Lord and Savior.
As you grow in your faith, encourage each other to pursue personal faith while nurturing your spiritual connection as a couple.
In addition to going to church every Sunday, consider joining a Bible study. Whether you join a men’s and your wife joins a women’s or together you join a couples Bible study.
Whether individually or together, get into God’s Word more than just on Sundays. And encourage each other in your walks with God.
“But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To him be glory both now and forever!” – 2 Peter 3:18.
Balancing individual interests within marriage requires intentionality, communication, and a selfless heart. While it’s important to nurture your passions, it’s equally crucial to cultivate your relationship with your spouse. By embracing biblical principles of love, sacrifice, and support, you can maintain a healthy balance that strengthens both your identity and your marriage.
“There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under the heavens.” – Ecclesiastes 3:1
If you found value in this article, consider reading 5 Habits for a Healthy Marriage.
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