5 Habits for a Healthy Marriage
Why do roughly half of all marriages in the United States end in divorce? The experts will give their list of stated excuses couples use as the cause. In reality, so many couples divorce because it requires effort, intentionality, and commitment.
Marriage is a journey of companionship, trust, and growth. As Christians, we’re called to nurture our relationships, following God’s principles of love and grace. Establishing healthy habits can help couples nurture their connection, improve communication, and grow together, both emotionally and spiritually.
In this article, we’ll explore practical, biblically-based habits that can help you and your spouse strengthen your bond and honor God in your marriage.
Daily Habits for Connection
I assume you love your wife; at least enough to marry her. But do you like her? In other words, do you enjoy being around her, or is it a chore to even do that? Unfortunately, for many couples, their reality is the proverbial walking on eggshells.
In the hustle and bustle of everyday life, it’s easy for couples to emotionally lose touch with one another. Cultivating small, daily habits can help maintain the bond that forms the foundation of a healthy marriage. Hopefully, it will help you and your wife continue to love and like each other.
Morning and Evening Check-Ins
Start and end each day by checking in with one another. This should be a priority. Whether it’s a quick conversation over coffee in the morning or a few moments together before bed, these brief touchpoints strengthen your emotional bond.
Understand, that this shouldn’t be the extent of your conversations each day. Open dialogue is essential for any relationship to function let alone thrive. For more on communication in marriage, read Effective Communication Skills for Couples.
“Let all that you do be done in love.” – 1 Corinthians 16:14
Expressing Gratitude
Most of us like being appreciated for our efforts. Therefore, make it a daily habit to express appreciation for each other. And this doesn’t have to be anything extravagant. It could be as simple as saying, “Thank you for…” (doing the dishes, making a meal, putting away my clothes, etc.). The point is to acknowledge what they did.
Verbalizing appreciation strengthens emotional connection and encourages a positive atmosphere.
In addition to saying thank you, many women like receiving little notes too. Consider putting little post-it notes where she’d see them. Before leaving in the morning, you might put one on her side of the mirror that says, “Good morning, beautiful. I love you. Have a wonderful and blessed day today.” Try and see how she responds.
For more on this, read The Power of Gratitude in Marriage.
“Encourage one another and build each other up.” – 1 Thessalonians 5:11
Physical Affection
Please understand, that physical affection isn’t limited to sex (in any of its forms). However, physical touch is essential for maintaining emotional intimacy.
Physical affection can be as simple as holding hands, a hug, or a quick kiss. Whether it’s a small or large gesture, a physical touch in love will create a sense of closeness and affection.
For more on this, read Intimacy and Romance in Marriage.
“Until the day breaks and the shadows flee, I will make my way to the mountain of myrrh and the hill of frankincense. You are absolutely beautiful, my darling; there is no imperfection in you.” – Song of Songs 4:6-7
Cultivate Active and Healthy Communication Practices
Effective communication is essential for any successful relationship. It helps us understand each other’s needs, resolve or reduce conflicts, and deepen our emotional intimacy. Regular, meaningful communication builds trust and keeps your relationship healthy. The opposite is also true.
Since we often speak without words, discernment of our nonverbal communication is just as important.
Practice active listening
Active listening, as its name implies, requires more listening than talking. So, take time each day to listen to your spouse’s thoughts, concerns, and feelings. When your wife speaks, practice active listening by giving her your full attention. Show that you value her perspective by not interrupting. Make an effort to understand her perspective and offer support when needed.
Keep in mind that this isn’t the time to solve her problems unless she asks otherwise. Simply devote your attention to her. Set a time limit, if necessary, but devote that time to listening. And be prepared to be quizzed to prove you were listening.
“Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” – James 1:19
Using “I” Statements
When discussing sensitive topics, use “I” statements to express your feelings without blaming your wife. For example, “I feel hurt when…” rather than “You always…” This minimizes defensiveness and encourages open dialogue.
Thriveworks Counseling warns that using “I” statements improperly can backfire. “‘I’ statements can quickly become passively accusatory when ‘you’ is added to the statements on a technicality, such as ‘I feel like you can be disrespectful.’”
For more on this, read Conflict Resolution for Couples: Practical Tips for Lasting Peace.
“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up.” – Ephesians 4:29
Intentionally Scheduling Time to Talk
Most of us conduct our lives with the mindset of “go-go-go.” That’s why it’s important to set aside time to have meaningful conversations about your relationship. Whether it’s a weekly check-in or simply catching up after a busy day, intentional communication fosters emotional intimacy.
Take time to discuss your day, hopes, concerns, and plans. Prioritizing undistracted communication nurtures emotional intimacy.
For more on this, read Reflecting on Marriage Growth and Goals.
“Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.” – Colossians 4:6
Serve One Another Selflessly
Marriage is about partnership, and serving one another with love is key to a strong, Christ-centered relationship. When you prioritize each other’s needs, you reflect Christ’s sacrificial love.
Perform acts of service
Look for ways to serve your spouse daily. Whether it’s taking over chores, preparing a meal, or helping with a task. Small acts of service can make a big impact on your relationship.
My wife’s primary love language is Acts of Service. Do you know what your wife’s love language is? If not, you can learn more in Dr. Gary Chapman’s book “The Five Love Languages.” Learn to show love for your wife through her love language.
“The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate” by Dr. Gary Chapman.
“The greatest among you will be your servant. 12 Whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted.” – Matthew 23:11-12
Support each other’s goals
Encourage and help your wife achieve her personal and professional goals. By supporting each other, you build trust and deepen your partnership.
Additionally, affirm her dreams. When your wife shares her dreams or ambitions, whether in her career, hobbies, or personal development, show your support by responding with enthusiasm and affirmation.
Encouraging her goals shows that you believe in her abilities and potential. You become her biggest cheerleader, motivating her to pursue her passions and dreams.
While helping your wife achieve her goals, you’ll likely see your success in the process.
“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor.” – Ecclesiastes 4:9
Forgive freely
We love much because we’ve been forgiven much (Luke 7:47). Forgiveness is at the heart of a healthy and lasting marriage. Make this into a habit, even in small matters. Holding onto resentment harms the relationship.
We are called to forgive freely because we, too, have received forgiveness through Christ. When we fully embrace the grace we’ve received, we are empowered to extend that grace to our spouse. Let go of offenses quickly and practice grace, as a reflection of what Christ has shown us.
Please understand, that forgiveness is not a feeling. Rather, it’s a choice. Forgiving your spouse doesn’t mean you will always feel like it. Forgiveness is an intentional decision to let go of anger, bitterness, or the need for retribution. It’s a daily practice that requires a heart of humility and a desire for reconciliation, even when emotions are raw. By choosing to forgive freely, you create an environment where love can flourish, and past mistakes don’t define the future. This practice leads to greater peace and emotional security in your relationship.
“Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” – Colossians 3:13
Building Spiritual Habits Together
Couples who pray and study the Bible together often find that they experience greater intimacy and unity. Spiritual practices strengthen not only your faith but also the bond you share as a couple.
Praying Together Daily
Start or end your day by praying together. For those who have opposite schedules, find a time that works for both of you. In prayer, lift each other up and ask God to guide and protect your marriage. This habit will help align your hearts and minds with God’s will.
“For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.” – Matthew 18:20
Attending Church Together
Make it a priority to attend church services regularly. Worshiping as a couple reinforces shared values and strengthens your connection to God and each other.
Before choosing a church, ensure you and your wife are equally yoked in your beliefs. Then, search for a church that’s biblically based. Meaning, it both teaches and practices what the Bible says. And then get involved in it, together.
“Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another.” – Hebrews 10:25
Studying the Bible Together
Set aside time to study scripture as a couple. This can involve reading devotionals, participating in Bible studies, or simply discussing passages together. Building spiritual habits fosters unity and deepens your faith. Remember, this should go beyond your church attendance.
“The revelation of your words brings light and gives understanding to the inexperienced.” – Psalm 119:130
Bonus Suggestions
Date Nights
Date nights aren’t just for new couples. They’re essential for keeping romance alive in long-term marriages too. Scheduling intentional time together outside of daily routines helps couples reconnect and have fun.
These date nights can be weekly, surprise, or special. Some couples will have weekly date nights on a specific day of the week. To the point that others know not to schedule time with them on that day.
Surprise dates are intentionally unexpected. And it doesn’t have to be going somewhere. Maybe you surprise her by bringing home her favorite dish or dessert.
Special dates are those scheduled. This could be an anniversary, holiday, or other significant meaning. Perhaps it’s to revisit a special place together.
“A man shall leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” – Genesis 2:24
For some date night suggestions, read Date Night Ideas to Keep the Romance Alive.
Developing healthy habits in marriage requires intentionality and commitment, but the rewards are immense. Through praying together, communicating openly, and serving each other selflessly, you can build a marriage that not only thrives but also honors God. Embrace these biblical principles and watch how your relationship deepens in love, trust, and unity.
By adopting these habits, you and your wife can build a strong, lasting marriage that honors God and fosters deep emotional and spiritual intimacy.
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