Reignite the Romance: Christian Marriage Tips for Husbands
Remember the butterflies you felt when you began courting your wife? Over time, those butterflies might’ve turned from exciting to routine. But it doesn’t have to stay that way.
Countless songs have been composed on the topic of love. As good as it sounds, most would agree that love is not enough. That’s because of how they define love.
Try performing a search for the best romantic songs and listen to the lyrics. How many of them say the word “romance”? None that I could find. Rather, they say “love.”
Does that mean romance and love are the same?
Love is a choice that develops over time and requires long-term commitment. Whereas lust is a feeling. The phrase “love at first sight” is the feeling of lust. Romance is an action displayed for someone you lust for or love.
Romance is a universal language known by both males and females. Admittedly, it’s much better understood and spoken by the female persuasion than the male.
When you and your wife first got together, you were probably quite the Romeo. But over the years that changed. Periodically, your wife may express how you’ve changed. You’re not as romantic as you once were.
Do you remember when you stopped being romantic? Well, she does.
At some point after she agreed to be with you, you decided it was no longer necessary to woo her. It probably happened shortly after lust turned to love.
Even though you don’t feel the need to be as romantic, she still craves it.
Since love is a choice, part of choosing to love someone is putting their needs above your own. Which is often easier said than done.
In this article, we’ll look at ways of reigniting the romance in your marriage and keep that spark alive. Along the way, you’ll become better versed in the language of romance.
Understanding the Importance of Romance in Marriage
Women undoubtedly have a corner on the romance market. But that doesn’t let us off the hook of putting forth our best effort.
Do you remember when you courted your wife? You talked for hours, spent as much time together as you could, and put your best foot forward.
Have you taken a step back from who you once were? If so, perhaps it’s time to refamiliarize yourself with your former self.
Through your wooing, you became the butter to her bread. Or have you forgotten that?
Perhaps it’s time to woo her again.
Song of Songs 1:2 says, “Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth—for your love is more delightful than wine.”
Romance for a woman requires more effort than for a man. If a woman wants to be romantic for a guy, she only has to do one thing. Show up naked. Because men are very visual beings. On the other hand, women require a little more effort.
When you and your wife first got together, did you kiss and hold each other a lot? Do you still kiss her passionately when not intimate or are they limited to pecks? Do you hold her in your arms at night or is it restricted to a quick hug before you leave home?
If you don’t hold your wife or kiss her passionately still, perhaps it’s time to get into that habit again.
Do you ask open-ended questions in your conversations or are they primarily closed-ended (limited to short answers)? Women love to talk. Even if you don’t have enough words left, ask her open-ended questions and she’ll do most of the talking.
Why do you think good salespeople ask clients about themselves? It allows the client to talk and feel heard. The same is true for your wife.
And chivalry should never die. Continue to open doors for her. When walking in a parking lot or sidewalk, position yourself between her and moving vehicles. If you’re sitting down to a meal together, wait for her (even if that means you have to reheat your food). And practice patience rather than get upset when she makes you late.
These small things will help your relationship. Why? Because you’re thinking of her above yourself. That’s love.
1 Corinthians 13:4-5 says, “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.”
To help you have a better relationship with your wife, consider reading Gary Chapman’s “The 5 Love Languages for Men: Tools for Making a Good Relationship Great.”
Identifying Common Barriers to Romance
There are several barriers (or excuses) we use for not being romantic in marriage. Here are just five of the more common reasons:
- Busy schedules/lack of time
- Communication breakdown
- Unresolved conflict
- Lack of physical intimacy
- Stress
Most of us would agree, it’s difficult to be romantic with someone when there’s friction between the two of you.
Looking at that list, I see a list of excuses because priorities are out of sort. Take busy schedules/lack of time for example.
You and I both know if we want to do something bad enough, we’ll make the time. Even if that means giving up something else to do so.
Communication breakdown is extremely common and not just in relationships. Think about businesses and teams in this digital age. Language barriers, virtual meetings, personality clashes, leadership differences, the various platforms to communicate with (i.e., email, direct message platforms, video conferencing software, etc.), and so much more.
For a deeper dive into each of them, you can read more in 5 Barriers to Romance and How to Overcome Them.
Keeping the Romance Alive Long-Term
At the start of your relationship, you romanticized your soon-to-be wife because you wanted something she had to offer.
Do you not want what she has to offer anymore? Of course, you do. But you don’t get it as often as you did in the beginning either.
Sex at the start of a relationship is about newness and exploration. After twenty years of marriage, it’s no longer new and there’s not much left to explore. But hopefully, there’s still a lot of pleasure in it.
We shouldn’t think romance is given in exchange for sex. Rather, romance should be a display of our love and sex is a bonus.
If you’ve been together for many years, you both have changed. What you and your life liked to do when you first met is typically not the same now.
Therefore, it might be time to interview your wife again. Ask her open-ended questions as to what she would see as romantic.
Her answers will either confirm what you believe or correct your thinking. Once you have the answers, start incorporating them for her if you’re not already.
Reigniting romance in marriage isn’t as complicated as we make it out to be. And the results can be more profound than we realize.
Yes, there are often barriers that may damper romance in your marriage. But those who are willing to overcome them will find a way. Because romance in your marriage will help keep that loving feeling alive for years to come.
If you found value in this article, consider reading The Power of Gratitude in Marriage.
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