Martin Howard
An audio version of this post is available for free through Spotify. Click here to listen.
“I’m hungry,” the teenager insistently interrupted her father. “You said you were going to feed me.” Her father and I were engaged in a conversation when it happened. He looked at his daughter. “Yes, and I will,” he replied. But she was demanding it, now!
Have you ever been in a conversation with someone when one of their kids bursts in and demands something?
Or perhaps you’re in a conversation when one of your kids starts talking to you about something unrelated to what you’re currently engaged in.
When your child interrupts you, that means either they don’t respect you, you haven’t taught them what they need to know, or both.
Either way, it’s on you to help them.
As a parent of two, that was a lesson I had to learn.
Being friends with other parents with children, I’ve also learned that it’s not uncommon. And the younger they are the more common it seems. But if we raise our kids right, it doesn’t have to be that way.
Here’s a parenting tip on techniques that I used a few years ago with my kids to teach them the proper way to get my attention.
Please note, that I’m not a counselor or therapist. Just a guy with experience and kids of my own.
Emergencies (and My Wife) are the Exception
Emergencies are always the exception. I told my kids if there’s ever an emergency, they not only have the right but the obligation to interrupt me to get my attention.
And they know exactly how to do that when emergencies have happened.
Of course, no emergency is required if my wife needs my attention. If she needs it, she asks for it. “Yes love,” I respond.
However, if it’s not an emergency, my kids know what to do if they want my attention. Again, this only applies when I’m actively engaged in a conversation.
Raise Your Hand and Wait
I’m sure you’ve heard “raise a quiet hand” before. It’s used in both public and private schools alike. To help keep children from creating a yelling match amongst themselves. Like they need another excuse for that.
When my kids were younger than 10 years old, if they wanted my attention, they were instructed to get to where I could see them, raise their hand, and wait for me to call on them.
It wouldn’t do them any good to stand behind me, or in my blind spot, and raise their hand. Their arms would get tired before I’d acknowledge them.
Once I saw them standing there asking for my attention, I would excuse the interruption and ask how I could help them.
After addressing them, I returned to my conversation.
My daughter though, sometimes would want my attention so she could say something on the topic of the conversation. Which leads to my next set of instructions.
Politely Engage in the Conversation
At first, when my daughter would do this, I would answer her question and then continue with my conversation. But by the time she was a teenager, I had changed my response. I began to realize that she wanted to engage in the conversation but didn’t know how or was too shy.
Either way, she wanted to engage in the conversation and add her two cents to it. And I had to help her to do so.
As she got older, I explained to her that she shouldn’t only tell me when it’s regarding the conversation. It could come off like she’s telling me a secret. Rather, I encouraged that if she wanted to be a part of the discussion, then she should engage in it.
I further explained the following technique to help her do that. When you hear something that makes you want to engage, come within the invisible bubble of those currently in the conversation.
The moment she enters into the bubble, those involved will instantly recognize a new member. When the person speaking takes a breath, or when there’s a pause, that’s when she should join. If she hasn’t already been asked to engage.
My suggestion was that she start with something like, “Excuse me, but I couldn’t help but overhear…” and then mention the topic that she wished to comment on.
By doing this, she’s heard without yelling, she gets my attention, and it doesn’t seem like she’s trying to tell me a secret.
Then there are times when what they have to say can wait. Which leads to the next set of instructions.
Remember it, Write it Down, or Send Me a Text
For those times when they wanted to convey a message to me, that wasn’t an emergency and had no bearing on the conversation, I instructed them to either remember it or write it down for later.
In this age of technology, now they can just send me a text message.
Others see how well-behaved our children are and they make it a point to let us know. Though, what they’ve learned is not from their parents taking a backseat to their “needs.” It’s through love, training, and respect that we’ve helped to guide them down their paths.
Of course, if they’re leaving my presence, they’ll excuse the interruption to give me a hug and a kiss. And I reciprocate. There’s always time for that.
I know they love and respect me as I do them. Train up your children the right way and watch them shine.
So, if your kids continually interrupt you, try some of these techniques. Help them grow into well-spoken and behaved individuals.
And always take time to hug and kiss your kids and your wife. For tomorrow’s not a promise.
If you got value out of this, consider reading 5 Steps to a Healthy Resolution After an Argument with Your Wife.
