Is Your Fear of Failure Causing Self-Doubt?
I’d been preparing to give the message for more than a week. But, when I was told that I’d have to teach that afternoon, I immediately thought that I wasn’t ready. No matter how much I had prepared, I didn’t feel that I was ready. Several of us had gathered at the county jail, one Sunday afternoon, when this battle was being fought in my mind.
The person who was supposed to give the message wasn’t able to make it. The other two, that were going in with me, said that I was supposed to teach in his place. Even though I’d been preparing for more than a week, I didn’t feel ready.
The devil is a liar. You’re not alone.
Prior to COVID-19, the county jail had allowed trained volunteers, from various churches, to come in and provide a message to the inmates. Every Sunday, groups of people volunteered their time to pour love, and the love of Jesus Christ, into the inmates.
My wife and I went once or twice a month. When I first signed up, I had asked to be a helper but offered to teach if necessary. Not that I was afraid of public speaking. Rather, I didn’t know if I was ready to teach the Bible to thirty plus men.
One Sunday, my wife and I had planned to go in and help with the message. We’d usually help with the music, prayer requests, or just providing support to the teacher. I had no idea it would be the day when I would give the message for the first time.
Typically, when we went, there was a pastor who’d also go. And, generally speaking, he would give the message. He was out sick that day.
Prior to that day, because I had offered to teach, I began studying certain passages of the Bible. In the off chance that I would have to teach. Honestly, I can’t remember what it was about. All I know is I felt completely unprepared. Even though I’d been preparing for more than a week for it.
While studying a certain passage of scripture, I had written down my points. I pretty much knew what I wanted to say. Nonetheless, I had this overwhelming feeling that I would forget everything. But, if I didn’t give the message, then the men wouldn’t receive one.
Failure leads to success.
An individual from a different group had offered to teach for us. Honestly, I almost said yes. But I didn’t. I looked at the other men and then my wife. I could see the confidence that they had in me. The confidence that I lacked within myself. He had offered at least three times. I politely thanked him and then declined his offer.
When we got back to the mod (that’s what they call the holding areas), we began setting up. The guard announced our arrival to the group. She yelled loud enough, had the walls not been so thick, I’m sure other mods would’ve heard her too.
The inmates began coming out of their rooms (cells) and gathered in the common area. We greeted each one as they arrived. We also offered them lyric sheets for the music.
One of the men, with me, introduced everybody and they prayed. He informed the men (inmates) of who each of us were. And that I would be giving the message. In that moment, I think my heart actually skipped two beats. After he finished introducing us, he prayed. We sang three songs, which seemed to go by way too fast, and then it was all on me.
Even though I’d spent plenty of time preparing, it was my first-time teaching. Please understand, I had taught in many other settings. This was the first-time teaching in a jail. I was extremely nervous. Not for safety reasons, but because of unfamiliarity.
As I spoke, I remember fumbling through much of what I was trying to say. There was one of the inmates who tried to heckle me. I think I dealt with it well, but I’m certain it could’ve been better.
When I finished, the guys with me, and my wife, told me that I did a great job. I was just glad it was over.
In my mind, I had failed. Yes, I taught a message. But, in my mind, it was a flop. I knew what I was capable of. And that was not even in the same zip code.
The failure that day drove me to work harder. To practice more. I knew that I wanted to teach again. And the next time, I wouldn’t be afraid of failing. I began working hard to completely grasp the various subjects I studied. My goal was not to eliminate failure, but to harness it. To use that as ammunition to prepare for the next time.
You have the confidence. You’ve just suppressed it.
Even though I was nervous the first time, I had developed a confidence in myself. You have that same kind of confidence in you too. And I can prove it. When my son was less than a year old, we lived in San Antonio, Texas. It was a hot summer day, and we were at the pool. We had been swimming, but the time had come to pack up and go home.
As soon as I had just finished getting dressed, my son decided he wanted to go swimming again. The pool didn’t have a gradual walk-in area. Without a second thought, he walked over and went face first into the four-foot end.
He wanted to swim. And he we completely confident that I would help him. Because my wife hadn’t seen what had happened, she was quite surprised when I ran over to the pool. I feel to my knees, reached deep into the water, and pulled him out.
I know that if I hadn’t done that, he would’ve surely drowned. But he didn’t know that. He just wanted to play in the water a bit longer.
As we grow older, we realize the dangers around us. And, because we know the dangers, fear begins to set in. We begin thinking about “what-if,” instead of “what’s possible.” We think of all of the things that could go wrong, instead of all of the things that could go right.
We give up on our dreams, our aspirations, our goals in life because of the fear of failure. The fear then turns to self-doubt. We’ve replaced the confidence we once had with fear and self-doubt.
Confidence in oneself speaks volumes.
Instead of focusing on self-doubt, I say we focus on self-confidence. Have you ever been somewhere, and all of the sudden everybody looks to the person who just walked in the room? The attention of everyone there is now directed to that person. And it all happened in a flash.
The person, who just walked into the room, exudes confidence. People are naturally drawn to them. Why? Not because their beautiful. No, rather, it’s because of the confidence they have about themselves. It radiates. And you can have that too.
You’re not any less of a person than the confident person previously described. God made us all equal. We all came into the world with nothing but our bodies and souls. Metaphorically (and literally) speaking, we all put our pants on one leg at a time.
Just because someone’s a billionaire, or manages a Fortune 5000 company, or whatever, doesn’t make them any better than you or me. They might have things that we don’t. But we have things that they don’t as well.
You’re what you make yourself out to be. If you believe in yourself, like parents everywhere say, you can be whatever you want to be. Believe in yourself and you too will command attention by simply walking into a room.
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