Handling Conflict – What You Should Know

Whether you’re a people leader or not, there’ll be times when conflict will occur between team members. If you’re married, or in a relationship, you already know that conflict happens. That’s why, this information is relevant in both our personal and business lives.

In order to fix the problems that arise, from conflicts, we have to understand what a conflict is. Conflict has various definitions. For instance, an armed conflict is defined as a fight, battle, or war. It’s also described in terms of incompatibilities or oppositions between or among individuals and/or groups.

An important distinction to address is conflict in the workplace as opposed to conflict in our personal lives. When conflict occurs at work, the path to resolution may be different than ones at home. Additionally, when conflicts occur at work, a person’s job could be at stake if not corrected properly.

A team goes through four stages when it forms. These stages of team development, according to Bruce Tuckman, are forming, storming, norming, performing (and adjourning). That tells us that, after a team forms, it will automatically go through a stage of conflict. A stage that the team must work through if they’re to get to the norming and performing stages.

A common cause for workplace conflict is the resistance to change. Tuckman’s four stages occurs with the formation of a new team. That’s a form of change. Personalities between the new team members is a strong factor for resistance. When personalities clash, there’s naturally a struggle to everyone on the team.

Change Management can either make or break a company.

All companies and relationships go through changes. Successful companies will have a well-established change management program in place. Change management is primarily used in the corporate world. However, it can be implemented in the family as well. In the end, change management is nothing more than ways to implement change. The purpose is to help individuals, teams, and organizations through changes. As humans, we are creatures of habit. Change is not easy.

Do you remember what life was like before computers? If not, you might not appreciate how much easier they have made life. Put yourself into the shoes of someone who has never used a computer. They’re used to writing everything out by hand. All of their forms and documents are entered by hand. Once complete, they have to either walk or send the document to someone else.

The turnaround time, for completing a document by hand and then mailing it in, could take a week or more. Now enter the computer and internet. An individual is able to fill in that same document in a matter of seconds. Once complete, they can send it off. Within a split second, it will have reached its destination. Depending on the response method, we could have it back within the minute.

Someone who has never used a computer would not know what to do with it. Therefore, In order for them to use a computer system, they would need to be trained. That’s when you hear the response, “but this is how we’ve always done it.” Some of the most expensive words in business. That’s when the company will need to help this individual through the change. Insert change management. This so extensive, it’ll have its own post.

Communication is far more than the words we speak.

Communication, or lack thereof, is another primary factor of conflict. This is true in all walks of life. My wife often says, “it’s not what you say. It’s how you say it.” This is not just referring to the tone of voice, but it’s also the nonverbals. This is often heard through the words, “your face says it all!” That’s because our face, or other actions, often tells a story that our words don’t.

“Yes, I’d love to help,” we might say. However, our body language and tone say otherwise. Instead of a smile and direct eye contact, we roll our eyes when saying those words. Perhaps it comes off very sarcastic.

When we communicate, regardless of the format, there’s always a sender and a receiver. The sender’s the one pushing the message. Whereas the receiver receives and interprets the message. When we’re the sender, we’re the primary communicator. Being the primary communicator, it’s our responsibility to ensure that the message is interpreted correctly.

I can’t hear you. Your actions are overpowering your words.

In our response, when we roll our eyes, speak sarcastically, or any other manner that conveys our dislike, we are telling the receiver that we don’t care and/or want to help. To help would be an inconvenience at best. Regardless of what words we say, the communication is received loud and clear if and when our nonverbal communication says otherwise.

The receiver could easily become irritated when we send a mixed message. That alone could cause conflict. At which point, the sender must correct their error in order to convince the receiver that they in fact do want to help. All of which could’ve been avoided had we sent the message correctly in the first place.

Stress can cause various levels of conflict.

The third source type of conflict, that I’d like to discuss, is stress. Not just the stress of change, or personality conflicts, but to stressful situations in general. We know that personality differences can cause conflict. Just as the stress is increased when our daily routines are changed. Conflict can also be caused by high stress environments and/or situations.

In the military, personnel are trained to face various situations under both stressful and non-stressful environments. This is done to help create an auto response when put in certain circumstances. By going through this, military personnel are also able to address problems that could occur.

Under duress, individuals will usually respond how they were trained. If not trained in stressful conditions, when an actual incident occurs, their response will be unpredictable. Conflict is essentially guaranteed. Don’t get me wrong, conflict can be a good thing. But only if we use it as a learning experience.

Conflict resolution is working with the individuals to get through conflict successfully.

It’s said that the number one conflict in marriage is based around money. It seems to be a thorn in the side of many couples. This type of conflict is often very negative. Whereas a spirited debate can be a very good form of conflict. Even strengthening each of the members. An example might be helping a friend through a difficult circumstance. They might combative due to their fragile state of mind. But by being a friend to them will speak volumes in the end.

When you are a people leader, or manager of various types, it’s often your responsibility to control the conflict within the team. Insert conflict resolution. Bringing the individuals together and allowing them to determine a path through is the best format to achieve conflict resolution.

Conflict comes in all shapes and sizes. It happens in all walks of life. And it can be both good and bad. If we’re to be successful, we have to learn to navigate conflicts in a positive way.