Releasing Bitterness and Extending Grace
You can lift weights, build businesses, and protect your family. But if you’re holding onto bitterness, you’re not truly walking in strength.
Unforgiveness doesn’t make you tough. It makes you trapped.
In this article, we’re talking about Biblical Manhood and Forgiveness — releasing bitterness and extending grace.
Why Forgiveness Defines a Godly Man
Our culture tells men that forgiveness is weakness. And that forgiving someone, thereby letting whatever they did go, means you’ve lost your power.
In reality, the truth is just the opposite.
Years ago, my ex-wife had multiple affairs during our marriage. That kind of betrayal cuts deep. Many, both women and men, might carry that pain and loss of trust into every relationship that follows.
But the Bible teaches us something different.
In Matthew 6:14–15Jesus said, “For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.”
Forgiving others isn’t optional. It’s not something we get to choose. That is, not if we want to walk in the forgiveness we ourselves have received.
When I chose to forgive, it didn’t excuse what happened. It set me free from being chained to it.
And because I let go of that bitterness, I was able to trust again; to love again.
Today, my wife and I have been married nearly four times as long as that first marriage lasted. That’s the power of grace and obedience.
We’re all sinners in need of a Savior. Jesus tells us to forgive, not because it’s easy, but because it’s essential.
When you forgive, you make space for God to heal what bitterness tried to destroy.
Unforgiveness keeps men angry, distracted, and spiritually powerless. It poisons marriages, strains friendships, and robs us of peace.
But when you release bitterness, you invite God to work in and through you.
It Takes Strength to Forgive
Forgiveness isn’t always easy. Sometimes, it requires a great deal of strength and self-control.
Think about Jesus on the cross. In His final moments, He said,
“Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” — Luke 23:34
Do any of us honestly believe that was weak of Him to do and say? No, that was strength under control.
Biblical masculinity includes the courage to extend grace when you could just as easily seek revenge.
Every man watching this has been wronged at some point — maybe by a parent, a spouse, a boss, or even a church leader.
And sometimes, those wounds run deep.
But forgiveness isn’t about them. It’s about you and your relationship with God.
When you choose forgiveness, you’re saying, “Lord, I trust You to handle justice. I won’t let bitterness rule me.”
That’s leadership — that’s self-control — that’s manliness.
The Cost of Holding On
As men, we like to fix things. We want closure, fairness, and accountability. But sometimes, forgiveness means letting go of what you can’t fix.
Hebrews 12:15 warns us, “See to it that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.”
When you hold onto bitterness, it spreads likethe roots of a weed under the surface.
It affects how you talk to your wife.
- How you discipline your kids.
- How you pray.
- Even how you see God.
Bitterness blinds you. You stop seeing people through the eyes of grace and start seeing them through your pain.
And Satan loves that because as long as you’re chained by unforgiveness, you’re not walking spiritually with God.
Seek Forgiveness – as a Man of God
Forgiveness isn’t just about what others did to you. It’s also about acknowledging your part in the relationship and then turning it over to God.
Real men take responsibility for their actions and mistakes.
Jesus said in Matthew 5:23–24, “If you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, 24 leave your gift there in front of the altar.
First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.”
You can’t worship God while ignoring the people you’ve hurt. That means we have to humble ourselves and make things right, even if it’s uncomfortable.
This could be as simple as calling your son and saying, “Son, I was too hard on you. And I’m sorry.”
Maybe it’s telling your wife, “I let pride get in the way. I’m sorry.”
Or reaching out to an old friend and saying, “I was wrong, and I’m sorry.”
That’s not weakness – that’s biblical leadership.
Forgiveness and repentance go hand-in-hand. A godly man is quick to listen and slow to anger.
We must also be quick to forgive and quick to repent.
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The Power of Letting Go – A Lesson from Joseph
My ex-wife had multiple affairs throughout our marriage. And even though I knew it was happening, I tried to make the marriage work. That was, until she moved in with one of the men and asked for a divorce.
But my story is nothing compared to that of Joseph from the Old Testament.
If anyone had a reason to be bitter, it was him. His brothers betrayed him by selling him into slavery and telling their father a wild animal killed him.
But when, years later, he finally faced them again, he didn’t seek revenge. Without batting an eye, he forgave them.
In Genesis 50:20, Joseph said, “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.”
Had his brothers not done what they did, he wouldn’t have been put in the second-highest position in Egypt, below the Pharaoh. That through him, he could save not only Egypt but Israel too.
Joseph saw what bitterness would’ve blinded him from. And how God can redeem even the deepest wounds.
When you forgive, you’re saying, “God, I trust Your plan more than my pain.” And that’s where peace begins.
How to Start Releasing Bitterness
So how do we do it? How do we forgive when it still hurts?
Here’s a simple process rooted in prayer and obedience:
- Acknowledge the hurt – Stop pretending it didn’t matter. Be honest with God about how it has affected you.
- Pray for the person – Not that God would punish them, but that He would bless them and heal both of you.
- Release them to God – Say it out loud: “Lord, I release them. I trust You to handle justice and healing.”
- Keep your heart clean – Bitterness tries to creep back in. Guard your thoughts, and don’t rehearse old pain.
- Walk in peace – Remember, forgiveness is not a one-time feeling. It’s a daily decision to stay free.
Weekly Challenge
This week, ask God to show you one person you need to forgive — or one person you need to ask forgiveness from.
Then take action.
Write the letter or make the call, and have the conversation.
Don’t wait for the “right time.” Because the right time is now.
And as you do it, remember Ephesians 4:32, “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
Brothers, biblical manhood isn’t about holding grudges — it’s about holding grace.
Forgiveness isn’t a sign of weakness — it’s the evidence of God’s strength living in you.
It’s time to release the bitterness and walk in freedom.
Now, lead your home, your marriage, and your life as a man who knows how to forgive — because you’ve been forgiven much.
A godly man doesn’t just talk about grace, he lives it.
If you got value out of this article, consider reading: Biblical Finances for Men: Stewardship and Providing for Your Family.
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