Attitude – The Good, The Bad, and The Unfortunate

“I can’t hear what you’re saying, you’re actions are speaking too loud.” – Author Unknown

Having attitude can be a very good thing. Possessing courage in stressful situations is an attitude. Being willing to say, “yes” when the opportunity comes, is an attitude. But having an attitude can also be a double-edged sword.

Do you know anyone who doesn’t have an opinion filter? Meaning, they say how they’re feeling without regard to hurting someone else’s feelings. I have family members who this statement embodies.

Their speech often comes off as insensitive, perhaps even offensive. But it’s their non-verbal language that has just as much, if not more, to say. It’s their facial expressions and bodily motions that speak volumes. Not too long ago, I was the same way too.

Your attitude can be an asset, if used correctly.

As I alluded to above, having a positive attitude is often considered to be a great asset. While having an attitude is the exact opposite. It’s a liability.

All too often, those with this liability don’t see it as that. Rather, it’s seen almost as a strength. Which is unfortunate. It’s unfortunate because it’s holding them back from many positive things.

That’s because a positive attitude can actually open many proverbial doors. Whereas a negative one will actually close those same doors.

So how do we overcome this? The first step, just like the twelve-step program, is to acknowledge that there’s a problem. Because, in all honesty, it is a problem.

Under it all, it’s really about unresolved anger. I’m not a psychologist or psychiatrist. Rather, I’m just a man speaking from decades of experience.

Life’s too short to remain angry.

At one point, I lived my life based on my past. All of my experiences, both good and bad, were the basis for how I directed my decisions. I was living a life from the perspective of what I’d been through. Not based on what I could become. Trying to get over that wasn’t easy. It took a lot of time to rid myself of that mentality.

Eventually, it would help lead me to become a better version of myself. But it wasn’t because of me. It took a very forgiving God, and a loving wife, to help me to see the errors of my ways.

In essence, it was something that was beyond my own control. Left to myself, I wouldn’t have become any better than I already was. It was outside forces, God and my wife, that pushed me to get beyond myself.

I heard a story of a young lady who’s father basically abandoned them. The mother, due to her bitterness, was projecting that upon her daughter. It’s unfortunate because that’s caused her daughter to become very bitter and angry. Not just with her father, but with life in general.

Left unresolved, I wouldn’t be surprised if she grew up to have this same type of disdain as her mother. She was on the road to becoming her mother.

The child, who’s not even sixteen years of age, has a negative outlook on life. How would any of us like to live a life filled with anger and hatred? So, we try to make do with the hand we’ve been given. Ask yourself, is it really a life when we have to make do?

Your face says it all.

Living life based on settling is far from enriching. It’s discouraging and downright miserable. And when those feelings are built up inside, they’re projected onto others. Often times unintentional.

When we’re unhappy already, any additional unpleasantness simply just adds to it; whatever that might be. Upon experiencing this additional unpleasantness, a natural response might be to sarcastically say, “great!” In reality though, it’s the exact opposite.

So, when we respond that way, the sarcasm is heard in our voice. And the anger and/or disappointment can easily be seen in our expressions. It doesn’t take a specialist to see the emotions we’re experiencing at that moment. Without so much as a word, our face says it all.

My wife tells me, “Sarcasm is very unattractive.” In my defense, behind English, it’s really my second language. Over the past, nearly two decades of marriage, I’ve had to learn to control that language. Believe me, it’s not easy. It still wants to come out, just not as often or as automatic.

Having attitude is a great attribute, if used in the correct manner. But having an attitude is pretty much never a winning solution.

Learn to control those emotions and attitudes. Harness that built up anger and release it in other ways (i.e., sports, art, music, hobbies, etc.).

Don’t let an attitude get in the way of your greatness. In my experience, having an attitude tends to hold us back.